CVS is fine for what it is, but they’ve really amped up the blandness factor… chalk it up to my rich as s*** neighborhood, but when Instyle replaces Us Weekly at the checkout counter, I tend to lose interest in what’s going on around me. Classic CVS moment- feeling mildly dismayed that they are no longer selling unauthorized Bumble and Bumble products that fell off the delivery truck on the way to Trim. Classic Rite Aid moment- contemplating a 1/2 off Wet and Wild nail polish in Club Havana while a woman, possibly on drugs & dressed in purple leggings, black suede ankle boots, and an oversized “Taz” sweatshirt, hugs the pharmacist and asks about his kids. You can’t have the heartwarming conclusion without the initial desperation.
Buying something stupid at CVS ranks as merely adequate on my emotional barometer. It’s about as exciting and unexpected as a kid at Sidwell Friends getting into college, but when you want to take a walk on The Blind Side, try Rite Aid. You might end up with some shampoo, a new gang affiliation, or a knife wound, but either way something interesting is bound to happen. Trust me: as I type this I look down at my Club Havana nails and am warmed by the memory of the meth head/pharmacist reunion. F*** the Sunday coupon supplement, the real payoffs are in our hearts.
I emerged from Rite Aid with many things on Sunday. Club Havana. Some easy breezy beautiful Cover Girl face powder. The cheapest, worst eyelash curler that’s ever misshapen this beautiful fringe (try harder, Revlon). A renewed sense in the goodness of drug addicts. One thing I did not buy that day was sunglasses, not because I turn my nose up at Rite Aid eyewear (please) but because I was too distracted by all the catharsis. It wasn’t until I walked out, beaming with creepy gratification that only Rite Aid can give, that I realized the sun was REALLY bright, and my last pair of $10 aviators was short a lens, crushed in the bottom of a purse I wasn’t even carrying, and cheap sunglasses had been my original reason for going. F***.
It occurred to me to turn around and go back in, but everything had gone so well so far, I didn’t want to
flirt with death spoil the moment. Plus, I remembered I have a nice credit at Gilt.com, and figured that sunglasses are one thing I can go ahead and buy on the internet because, as you might have guessed, I’m not exactly picky. So, I started checking the sales.
Monday, no dice. Tuesday, no dice. By Wednesday I’m thinking, “if I go to Charleston next week I will probably really need sunglasses. Rite Aid here I come!” BUT… Wednesday WIN, there was a sale on Nina Ricci and Chloe shades.
These were nice:
But for some reason, no one was buying, including me. I guess Nina Ricci has lost some of her cache, despite Reese Witherspoon’s zealous patronage. Or perhaps it’s Reese who has lost hers. Now that J.Lo is hawking razors and every designer and her mother is doing affordably priced bridal lines, the whole celebrity scene is looking a little low rent these days. Regardless, those olive frames were pretty.
These were also lovely:
though perhaps for a woman with darker skin than me. Kind of a shame, but considering that 999,999 out of 1,000,000 times designers gear everything towards white clients, I’m happy to count this one as a win for women of color.
The ones I finally settled on:
They are big, they are round, and they are 2 shades of pink which I thought would look nice with my fake blonde hair. Also, they’d cover up my legit black eyebrows. Can I be trusted with something nice? I doubt it. But with Eric G, lover of high end sunglasses as my guide, I figured it was time to try. This represents the end of a long journey with that Gilt credit, which was a Christmas gift I just couldn’t figure out how to spend. Thank you sweetheart! I will
sell them on craigslist so to buy ten pairs at Rite Aid take good care of them.