Been very busy here. In the past few weeks I decided to become a triathlete, get plastic surgery, take ballet lessons and plant some rose bushes. In sad news, my grandmother (mother’s mother) died and so I’ve been back and forth to the Eastern Shore quite a bit. She lived to old age in pretty great health, all things considered, so it’s hardly “tragic” in the way, say, pediatric cancer is tragic. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t sad.
I also spent a restful week cat sitting up in Palisades. What a nice neighborhood that is! Every morning I jogged around the reservoir, or walked to Dean and Deluca in Georgetown for my morning coffee. In the evenings, I watched Univision and played with the cat. One unfortunate evening I went to Black Salt and witnessed some of the whitest people I’ve ever seen acting super white. And I guess by white I mean privileged, obnoxious and with barely suppressed evil urges. Hey, it takes one to know one. It was hard to decide who I hated more at that moment, them, or myself. “They” won in the end. So the final word on Black Salt: DO go for the mussels, but DON’T sit at the bar, especially if you’re not drunk, “married but looking” and wearing madras shorts & baseball cap. And if you are even two out of those three things, go there, RIGHT NOW. You will love it.
So yes, mostly I just exercised a lot that week, so much so that my one pathetic and dingy sports bra could have been cracked in half with a strategic karate chop. Trust me, I thought about it. I felt so bad for smelling up my friends the super-awesomes’ apartment! They really deserve better than that. So on the final day I cleared up my sweaty gym clothes, vacuumed, and febreezed the hell out of the place, praying that the Ultimate Fighting Locker Room smell I seemed to have spread throughout the premises would magically recede.
Well, it did not, not because I have incurable BO, but because someone actually died in the building. Yikes! Upon learning of this development, I did not know whether to be reassured or unsettled. Both, I guess. The takeaway is, I don’t really feel like I can ever wear that one sports bra again, mostly because it’s hard as a rock, in addition to being haunted.
Thus, I am stopping by the Gap in Georgetown today as they apparently carry reasonably priced but high quality exercise apparel. I need some shorts with key pockets & so forth, and a couple of tank tops. I have been running in this one pair of very lightweight cargo pants, but the waist no longer fits and I was forced to safety pin them to my crusted sports bra so they wouldn’t fall down as I ran towards the coffee shop. I looked at my bank account and was like WTF- I am not a hobo, why live like one? I mean, I can afford pants that don’t need to be pinned to my shirt. Barely.
So, I am planning on buying some clothes, wearing them out of the store, stuffing this sheath in a bag and doing my 20 mile-ish bike loop in the 105 degree heat index, and why? FOR MONEY THAT’S WHY! That’s right, I am signed up to do the MS Ride the weekend of my birthday (June 11th) and have done ZERO fundraising. That’s not true. I got two donations from total sweethearts that I was not expecting, but since then, I’ve gotten completely derailed.
I am happy to make up the difference between what I’ve got now and my goal but thought I’d give it one last shot, so as an extra special incentive, anyone who makes a donation of $10 or more gets a free Starlingtons CD and a thank you note. Never heard of the Starlingtons? You’re in great company! In fact, the entire world minus about 300 people, most of whom are family. But before I became a plastic surgically altered, ballet dancing, rose cultivating triathlete, I was a country music singing sensation. Don’t believe me? Put your money where your mouths are : make a donation today! And email me with your home addresses at firstname.lastname@example.org, especially the two ladies who have already donated. As an extra incentive, I’m going to attach a picture of my muffin top, barely constrained by safety pinned pants. It ain’t pretty- but just think, every dollar is contributing to a major improvement, both in the lives of people with MS as well as my waistline. Thanks everybody!